Love, it seems, is the one emotion of which we can be so concretely sure that we understand and yet minutes later feel as though we have not a single grasp on how it feels. It is this way for me at least... possibly due to my gemini duality. I've added a person to the I love you list today. It's weird, when in a moment, you realize that you have this adoration for someone... I am so uneasy about my life right now. On one hand, I feel more sane and under control than I have in a very long time. I haven't been with a guy in like three weeks, and I have been spending a lot of time with Bethany. Bethany is more and more like someone I could see myself with as I talk to her. It's scary though, because I am feeling as though I'm ready to finally settle down into the next phase of my life. I want to be a part of a couple. I don't really know the words that I need.

On a different note, it's been about three weeks since I've last spoken with Erin. She blew up at me after coming to visit or something... she is still convinced that this all started at the beginning of the summer. It's weird to recognize the point when you no longer trust your best friend. I think that perhaps the reason I seemed so controlling over the summer is that I didn't trust her to be a part of my life any more. I didn't trust that she wouldn't hurt me. I didn't trust that she would understand me anymore. I guess the reason I wasn't sad that we weren't going to be friends anymore is that in my mind she was already gone from me. It's sad that she never saw that... that she no longer knew me.